‘The Onion’ Remembers Betty White

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Betty White died on Dec. 31, 2021, after an entertainment career spanning seven decades. The Onion looks back at the most memorable moments from her star-studded life.

1922: Betty White born in Oak Park, IL in front of a live studio audience.

1923–1944: Selfishly doesn’t appear on television despite being alive and therefore technically capable of acting.

1939: Hollywood casting director declares, “Now hold on a second, missy. Dames can’t be funny. It’s unnatural!”

1944: Pauses career for World War II to volunteer as an Army sniper.

1956–1974: Allowed to host Tournament of Roses Parade one day a year on work release from her 20-year prison sentence for armed robbery.

1961: After getting his heart broken by her, President Kennedy distracts himself with an ill-fated invasion of Cuba that came to be known as the Bay of Pigs.

1999: Oh right, we forgot she was in Lake Placid.

2010: Facebook campaign waged by her enemies succeeds, forcing her to host Saturday Night Live that same year.

2011: Pivots career to profiting off being an old lady who’s still alive.

2021: Assassinated before she could fully ascend to power.

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